All I wanted was a peaceful swim

I even walked a few hundred yards further along the beach to escape the plebs. It was a sunny evening last night, and I found myself in Bridport, so popped along to the beach at West Bay for an early evening dip. The first and probably the only dip of the year.

Got me kit off and left it on a flat rock, as you do, and did my best to get in the sea without howling too much when the first wave hit my bollocks.

Of course, until I got in the water, the beach was deserted - at least that part of it was. But sod me, no sooner had I got my tits wet, the place was swarming with dogs, all pissing and crapping everywhere. Some of them investigating my backpack stood on the rock, and considering it for use as an object to cock their leg and piss on.

Twice I had to get out and shout at canines who looked like they were too interested, while their owners just looked at me bemused. Fucking dog owners - why don't they react when their hounds are doing this. How would they like it if they were sitting on the beach and I came up and started sniffing round their stuff and got me cock out? Yeah, I suppose I'd be arrested, but you know what I mean. They just amble along yapping to their friend or whatever, while their whole pack of wild dogs wreak havoc, squatting and cocking wherever they feel like it.

Honestly, there were more dogs than people on that beach. Three or four people had eight dogs with them - I counted - all in the same area of beach that I had chosen as being peaceful and ideal for a a brief dip. That's all I wanted - a brief peaceful dunk in the sea, so I could say at least I'd been in once this year.

Can't even have a few minutes, uninterrupted, on a fucking three mile beach at 7 in the evening. Bastards - all of them.