DOOR TO DOOR NUMPTYS

DOOR TO DOOR NUMPTYS?

Yes – numpties actually. As in the bloke who knocked on our door today, with a white transit outside, and a story about his company having exhibited their garden furniture recently at a local fair, and how they were selling it off cheap rather than take it all the way back to Essex with them. Really good deal and all that shite. Yeah, right mate.

It was a nursery company, but I can’t remember the name of it, because all I could look at on this bloke’s company logo, emblazoned on his jacket was the word ‘Nurserys’. Was it supposed to read Nursery, or Nurseries? Had some idiot put an ‘S’ on the end, or was it some even bigger idiot with no grasp whatsoever of the grammatical concept of plurals?

Or maybe, yes maybe, it was a statement meaning the jacket belonged to the nursery, but they forgot to add the apostrophe, and it should have read Nursery’s.

Not only would I not buy from a bloke in a white van knocking on my door, but I certainly wouldn’t buy from a company that proudly displays its own disregard for, or lack of understanding of, English grammar, by making its employees walk around wearing such a bold embroidered statement on their left tit for all to see.

For some reason, I am reminded of a time when I was getting an overpriced dried up manky sandwich in Tesco Metro in Lower Regent Street. An announcement over the tannoy: “Can Winston come to de customah service decks please, Winston to de customah service decks”

I made up the Winston bit because I didn’t take in the name, only the word that was supposed to represent ‘desk’. I hung around a bit in the hope of hearing it again, because it was so funny, and sure enough, about one minute later this dude calls for Winston to come to the customer service decks. Brilliant. Someone must have wanted to arkse him a question abah’ sump fink.

What a cock.

Yours,

Bill Turnip