popcorn morons

And they wonder why going to the pictures is in decline.

I use the word 'pictures' intentionally, by the way. Too many people these days call it the 'movies'. Fucking Americanisms creeping into our language all the time. It's the 'pictures' or the 'flicks', OK?

Went to see 'The Road' last night. Wednesdays is the only day we go now, because we can do that Orange Wednesday thing and get a BOGOF. Just as well it's two for one, because the prices seem to have jumped up recently. £7.40 for a ticket - I'm sure it was £6.30 last time I went. That's at least a 15% increase in one hit. Whatever happened to keeping in line with inflation, or simply keeping it affordably attractive during an economic downturn?

Fuckers.

Anyone who has seen The Road will know that it is a pretty sombre affair - not exactly an uplifting film, but one that is probably fairly true to what life might be like in a post-apocalyptic world where nothing works any more and there are no animals or vegetation. Food is scarce and cannibalism is rife. Pretty serious stuff, and a film with an overall effect that requires the viewer to listen to the sparse dialogue carefully and take in all the nuances and atmosphere of the film.

So it beats me why so many twats feel the need to talk all the way through it. What he fuck are they doing in the cinema watching this? Or not watching as it would seem - the glow of mobile phones lighting up little corners of the auditorium constantly. The constant rustle of fucking popcorn in stereo, to the left, right, in front and behind - quadrophonic surround sound irritating popcorn shovelling and sweet wrapper noises, along with people getting up, leaving for a piss or more fucking popcorn, bunches of yoofs at the back mumbling and giggling.

Why don't they go and watch something more appropriate and less cerebrally challenging for them, like Alvin and the Chipmunks or Astro Boy? I reckon they wanted to see Avatar, which was full up, so they plumped for this instead. Bastards.

And it's not just the kids. Two old biddies sat behind us in the back row, giving a running commentary. The opening shots of the film were flowers and garden vegetation. The old woman asks, in her broad Somerset accent, "Where's this s'posed to be to? Is it 'Murricah? Reckon it might be Florida, looking at they flowers". And later, during a scene where a family meets up with the survivor kid, "Oh, they've got a dog, too, look."

I can't deal with all this shit. All I want to do is sit down in comfort and watch and listen. I don't want to talk to anybody and i certainly don't want to listen to all that shit. Noisy food should be banned from cinemas. Noisy people should be kicked out and banned for life. Why don't they just wait till it comes out on dvd and then they can fuck it up for everybody in their own homes and leave the rest of us to enjoy the cinema experience uninterrupted.

Fat chance of that ever happening. Ignorant bastards.

Bill Turnip