DRESS UP WARM - IT'S GOING TO BE A SCORCHER

OK, so it’s been a shit Summer so far, and so much for the long hot Summer they said we’d have. Fact is I don’t like it too hot – makes me sweat when I’m working, and then I worry that I might end up stinking like a bastard.

Back in June we had bit of a hot spell when it got quite warm enough thank you very much, up in the mid-20’s and above, I think. T-shirt weather, that’s for sure.

So why is it that when it’s getting sticky out there and the sun is starting to melt your head, you see all these twats walking around in Winter clothes??

No kidding, I’m in the City of London, sitting on a bench in Finsbury Circus waiting to meet a colleague and some nob walks by wearing a suit covered by a dirty great Crombie overcoat.

I pass a girl in the street, she‘s also wearing a coat, buttoned up to the neck, collar up. On another occasion, probably the following day, sitting outside having a coffee with an old mate in Wealdstone (fucking dump) there’s a girl waiting for a bus, sitting on a bench across the road. She’s wearing one of those shiny puffy anorak-bomber jacket things with a furry hood – done up, with the hood up for chrissakes!


Topping the lot was this: around the same time in June when it was pretty damn warm, down Neasden way, a middle aged Asian bloke, walking along the road in a jumper and, wait for this: a balaclava!

Fucking unbelievable.

What is wrong with these people?

Could they be the very same assholes I see walking around in a February blizzard wearing nothing more than a T-shirt?

Girls out on the town on a Saturday night in January - with a windchill factor to shrivel your gonads in a matter of minutes - tottering around the bars in high heels and strapless mini-dresses. Basically, one flimsy layer of gossamer between them and frostbite. You know they are really freezing their tits off - literally - when you see those little protrusions out front, looking like cocktail sausages wedged under the dress. Great!

Yours,

Bill Turnip