mobility muppets

Mobility Muppets

What is it with all these fat fuckers on mobility chairs?

It’s an epidemic.

Where did they all come from? Every where I go I see some lardy bastard cruising along on one of these things. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you have a disability and getting around is a problem, then a mobility chair can be the answer if a wheelchair isn’t the right thing. I don’t have a problem with that.

But what I’m seeing is all the fat bastards who are at the point where just walking a few yards makes them out of breath. They are sitting on these things, cluttering up the pavements, with their asses hanging off the sides, cruising in and out of cake shops.

What chance have they got of losing any weight if they go everywhere on these things. I’ve seen huge women on these buggies, with bags of doughnuts in the basket on the front. I’ve seen them going around in groups. Must be family. The whole fucking family are too fat to walk anywhere. There was a mother and daughter bimbling through the precinct together, and following up the rear on foot was the skinny Dad – on a walking stick for Christ’s sake. Probably claiming disability benefit. In fact, I imagine they all were. Let’s face it, these buggies can cost upwards of three grand. Your average scumbag doesn’t usually have that sort of cash lying around. And it does seem to be members of the lower end of the social scale that ride these things - I have yet to see a posh person riding one. The middle classes rarely let themselves get so fat that they can’t walk.

They might be fat c*nts, but they aren’t necessarily thick c*nts. They know how to work the benefits system, and as a taxpayer, I’m paying for these lardy leeches to transport their vast bulk to the next pie shop.

What really fucked me off big time, was when I went to Plymouth a few months ago to see my daughter who is at University there. I went down to the market hall, where my favourites record and CD exchange shop is, and fuck me, when I got there it had been turned into a mobility shop!! That really did my head in. I used to get some great obscure Indie stuff from that place, now all I can get is a fucking scooter. Some of these things are rated to carry up to 30 stone and have extra wide seats. The manufacturers know the lardies are their main market. The mobility shop, once a specialist supplier, is becoming an all too familiar sight in every town and city.

Haven’t any of these whoppers stopped to think that actually, if they walked down the road to post a letter, or walked past the pie shop instead of in it, eventually, they might not need an electric trolley to get them around.

How fucking stupid can a person be?

Well, some poor old sod (one of the few, it seems to me, that should benefit from a mobility chair) in his 90s, the other day ended up on a three lane carriageway ring road - the A27 in Shoreham, West Sussex. He took a wrong turn and became confused. Thank God he wasn't driving a car. I feel sorry for him. Obviously the scooter has given him mobility he would otherwise be unable to benefit from, as walking any distance in your 90s is a problem. Mobility chairs cluttering up the precincts is one thing, but on the roads? Fucking hell.

Yours, Bill Turnip.