Isn’t it just brilliant how things can be crap and then, all of a sudden, your luck changes and the opportunity of a lifetime drops right into your lap?
Just now I picked up an email from somebody that I think might change my life. I can’t believe my luck.
A Sgt Henshaw Wear, of the US Army has written to me asking for some help. It seems he and a mate stumbled across a big pile of money while on patrol in Iraq, near one of Saddam’s palaces. He wants me to help him squirrel it away. Yes, me!!! I can’t believe it!
It’s about $15.3 million bucks (his share) and it’s in $100 dollar bills and being smuggled out of Iraq to a safe location in the hands of a British contact. Sgt Wear apparently doesn’t have time to deal with this himself, so he’s asked me to get involved and make investments in hotels and real estate as I see fit. Wow!! What an opportunity.
I think when the time is right, he is going to go AWOL – this is what he says:
The reason I had wanted to quit but I cannot do so when I have nothing at hand, that is why it is necessary you do your best possible to see a way as to secure my life and our future favour because you know if I escape from here, I will fly down to your home for as I will not go back my home in the states as I will be court mashalled but if I can take refuge in your home country, we can establish there pending after a peroid of 3 years, I can then move to my home in the states if we care because after 3 years without the military tracing my wayabout, I am legally free to excersise my rights since I never committed any criminal offences only deserted from the military.
I think he might be dyslexic or a hillbilly or something, because it doesn’t all make sense. He also says:
I am very sorry for my late responce as we have been on intensive patrol within the Jorddanian Border of Iraq. I quite understand that you may not actually know me but got your contact data in the address journal as I was seaching for somebody to invest with in your country and having gone through your profile I then decided to confined this truth with you.
All he needs from me is my full name, address, phone numbers, tax reference, passport number, and bank details. Seems fair…..
You know what? I can just picture this c*nt right now, sitting in some stinking internet café in Nigeria, along with a load of other sweaty fucks, all stinking in the heat with rancid body odour, trying to cobble together badly written scams in their pigeon English. It’s like a little factory there – all of these bastards pumping out thousands of ridiculous emails in the hope that some idiot somewhere in the world will be dumb enough to respond and give them the opportunity to take it to the next level. These are the same shits that drive around in jeeps hacking limbs off villagers.
Well I hope Sgt Henshaw Wear gets bitten up the ass by a scorpion and dies in agony on the floor of his shitty little one room mud shack in shanty town.
Bastard.
Yours, Bill Turnip
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